Dealing with Disappointment in Friendships


Life can be full of disappointments. Here are some techniques for softening the blow and dealing with inevitable fallout. Self soothing techniques are coping strategies that ideally are learned when we are children. When little Jackie doesn’t want to play with little Mollie, little Mollie is soothed by a teacher or parent and told that it’s ok to be disappointed, and that there are lots of other friends little Mollie can make. Many of us may not have been taught healthy coping mechanisms. We may be very hurt when our attempts at friendships as adults are not embraced with open arms, we may shut down and think there is something terribly wrong with us.

One of the many benefits of figuring out your own boundaries, and demanding they are respected, is that you start to better understand the boundaries of others. No one owes you anything, that includes your platonic friends, and acquaintances. Once you become more aware of your own boundaries, it will be easier to understand why someone may not be replying, or may be flaky. The most common reason is, they just don’t want to. They are not on the same page as you for whatever reason and THAT’S OK. Remind yourself that those are boundaries you will respect just like you’d like your own boundaries respected.

This is a skill that you will get at with practice, and I promise it will lead to you giving yourself a chance to try and reach out to more people, which will inevitably lead to establishing great friendships.

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